The A.V. Department - February 2024

Ahh February - the month of heavy marketing for Valentine's, when single folks are made to feel there is something wrong with them and couples past the honeymoon stage are also made to feel there is something wrong with them. The month when the cognitive dissonance from the mismatch between expectation and reality is amplified by problematic messages that distort our beliefs and assumptions about what "normal" and "healthy" really are. To say I'm not a fan is an understatement.

I debated about which direction to go with this month's theme. Should I go with the wonderful benefits of being single or the habits that help sustain your healthy relationship? In the end, I decided to go with resources and ideas that may help you to better understand how and why you end up in unhealthy relationships - and how you might change that pattern. It's a common concern that brings a lot of people to therapists' offices, so let's talk about it. And, if you are interested in those other topics, let me know in the comments!

To begin this month's theme and reflection, I present for the A.V. Department a video from the YouTube channel The School of Life (I love them). This short video presents the idea that some of our relationship patterns (and blind spots) in adult relationships stem from experiences we had in childhood. As you watch it, I encourage you to simply reflect on what you experienced as a kid - what was "normal" in your house growing up that you now see wasn't necessarily what other people experienced? It might be good or bad or neutral; whatever it was, don't judge it. Simply be curious about it and wonder if or how that might influence how you approach relationships now.

I hope you enjoy the video and that it helps you to be curious about your own life!

Some people benefit from talking these things through with a mental health professional. If you'd like to speak with me about this topic, please feel free to check out my website - Calder Mental Health Services - and to contact me for a free 15-minute consultation. I provide in-person services in Edmonton, Alberta and can provide remote services virtually to people in Alberta, Manitoba, Ontario, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, Newfoundland & Labrador, and the Territories, Canada.

I hope that you find love this month - love in your friendships, love in your family, self-love, love of your work, love of nature, love of all the simple joys in life, and healthy romantic love. Always remember that love comes to us in many forms and from many sources; we can also give it in many forms and to many things. As you look for evidence of love in your life, keep your definition broad - not narrow.

Happy Valentine's month!

With Love,

Petrina