The (self-) Maintenance Team - September 2023

For the September edition of The (self-) Maintenance Team I've picked a topic that will divide a lot of people. It's one of the backbones for managing your stress and can be a scaffold in the recovery journey from a mental health rough spot. But there's a significant portion of people who ruffle at the very thought of it. The topic is... Routines.

I can hear some of you groaning. I've literally had hundreds of clients audibly groan at me over the years when I bring up this topic. But I ask that you hear me out about the rationale and the benefits; then you can decide for yourself how much, or how little, routine you'd like to bring into your life.

There is also a small portion of people who respond with "Of course! Life is chaos without routines. It's ridiculous to suggest otherwise." For those folks, I will say that this blog post is not for you. You already get it! But before you click away from this topic, I would also provide the caveat that it is possible to have too much of a good thing, routines included; though, that will be a topic for another day. 

For the sake of empathy-building through taking another perspective, let's first review some of the objections I've heard to routines from the people who groan.

• Routines are boring;
• Routines make you a boring person;
• Routines are like being stuck in a rut that makes you feel trapped;
• I'm too spontaneous for routines;
• I prefer to be a free spirit;
• My life is too unpredictable for routines;
• I prefer to go with the flow;
• Routines are too rigid;
• You miss out on opportunities, if you're not willing to change on the fly;
• It takes less effort to just wing-it;
• It's not possible to set up a routine because I don't know what I'm going to feel like doing from one day to the next;
• I like to be flexible.

I think that most of these are valid ways of being, particularly the statements around the kind of person you want to be. It's positive to be a flexible, free-spirited, easy going person, who is prepared to adapt to whatever life throws their way! However, many of these statements are also born from a fundamental misunderstanding about routines, how they work, and what they do.

Far from being a boring rut that keeps you trapped, routines can provide you with freedom! How do they do that? By liberating you from the mental fatigue of having to constantly make decisions about small daily things that are not really all that important. In his book The Paradox of Choice - Why more is less, psychologist Barry Schwartz explains the research about human behaviour and thinking when it comes to the mental load of making decisions. People want to have choices! But making choices takes a cognitive toll; it takes thought, consideration, and energy. We only have so much energy in a day - like time and money, our energy is a limited resource. So the question becomes, how do you want to spend that energy?

We can waste a lot of our energy on making small decisions that are inconsequential to our goals and priorities in life. The result is that it leaves us with less energy to spend on the things that do matter to us or that would move us toward our goals. So, let's paint a picture of what this looks like. Say, it's a weekend. A person is lying in bed and they have the rare option to sleep in. They wake up a couple of times and think "Do I feel like getting up or sleeping a bit more?" They hit snooze a few times before finally deciding to start the day. They wander to the kitchen and think "What do I feel like having for breakfast?" A quick cruise through the pantry and fridge to see what's available tells them they they can have cereal, eggs - an omelette, scrambled, fried, or poached - and toast - wheat, rye, or an english muffin - or if they feel like putting in the effort, they could even make some pancakes! After breakfast, they start their grooming and self-care routines. "What kind of a hair-style do I feel like today? Well, that depends on what I'm wearing." To the closet to pick out some clothes. What to choose? "Well, what is the weather and what am I going to be doing today?" They quickly check the weather app and their calendar and then consider "Well, what do I feel like doing today? What are my options?" Based on the weather, options, and mood they make some decisions about what they'll do with their time today, then back to the closet to select some clothes. Even with a given agenda for the day, they'll likely have to pick between a few different outfits, then it's back to the bathroom to decide about what hair-style will go with the outfit and plans.

I've just described the first 30-60 minutes of a relaxing Saturday morning and already my brain is exhausted from considering all of the decisions that had to go into that process! And some of you may be thinking "But what's the problem with that, Petrina? I wish I had the freedom to be that relaxed on a weekend morning!" The problem is the mental load. There are consequences to spending your limited resource of mental energy on those small details. I will explain what those are in a moment, but I would also like to say that this day does sound pretty relaxing in some ways. You might want to spend your mental energy in this way from time to time. But where people get into trouble is when this approach becomes their routine.

You see, the people who tend to object to routines and say how boring and restrictive they are DO actually have routines. But the routine they keep is one that has them making lots of small decisions throughout the day. Sure, it can keep you flexible and open to possibilities, but it also takes effort. The routine then also tends to be dominated by mood-dependent behaviours. The factors that a person considers when making all these incidental decisions tend to be overshadowed by mood - "what do I feel like doing right now?" And that's a big problem. You see, our moods influence our decision making abilities. When we are making choices based on our mood we tend to not be making decisions based on our longer term goals, our values, or our priorities. And if you try to make a decision that is in keeping with your goals in a moment where you're not in the mood to do it, the mental-energy cost is higher. It takes more energy to over-ride your mood in service of your goals than it would if you'd built that choice into your routine in the first place. 

Think about an example where you have a goal to run your first ½ marathon. If each day you check in with yourself about whether you feel like running today, whether you feel like going for a short or a long run, whether you'll rest, or stretch, or do some strength or mobility work, then how prepared will you be come race day? You might be and you might not be - it will have depended on your mood over the last few weeks/months. Compare that the the example of a person with the same goal, to run their first ½ marathon, who has come up with a training routine that includes long and short runs, strength and mobility work, along with some stretching and rest days. Each day, that person simply consults the plan for the day outlined in the routine and then does whatever the schedule says. There is no decision made at that point - the decision was already made in the planning of the routine - instead, the person simply consults the plan and takes the appropriate action. They may or may not be prepared come race-day, but their success or failure will have depended on the quality of the plan and not on the quality of their mood.

Framed this way, I think of building routines as a way of putting important things in life on auto-pilot. I don't want to leave it to chance, because it's important to me. And I don't want to leave it up to my mood in the moment because if something else happens that affects my mood, then it could also have a big impact on my success in reaching the important goal. There are also somethings in life that are really unimportant in the big scheme of things and I don't want to be wasting my energy making inconsequential decisions. Life is hard and stressful enough as it is; we have thousands of decisions a day that we need to make. Let's get some of them on autopilot!!

Some things you can put on auto-pilot:

• Financial Routines - Set up automated bill payments or contributions to a savings plan;
• Household Chores - Have a set list of small tasks that you do each morning and each evening, to help you stay on top of your habitat;
• Grooming/Dressing - Set up your wardrobe so that you've got all your work outfits picked for the week, then just grab one and go each morning;
• Exercise - Depending on your goals, make a plan for a week (or month's) worth of dates/times/workouts, then put them in your schedule like an appointment;
• Nutrition - Plan a menu for the following week and build a grocery list from that plan; if you're really on top of things, prepare as many of the meals or components in advance as you can.

And that's just a few suggestions that I've come up with off the top of my head.

Now, for some people the idea of making a meal plan and pre-prepping the food sounds like it's going to steal a lot of joy from your week. You like the idea of creativity in the kitchen and of thinking up new meals, seeing what's fresh at the market that day, and cooking your dinner daily. Wonderful!! Then do not automate that part of your life. Routines are not meant to suck the joy out of your life; they are meant to set you free. In that case, your routine will be to do the daily shopping and plan your dinner based on your inspiration. Yes, it will take some of the mental energy, but you LIKE to do it. It's aligned with your priorities and brings you joy. But if doing that doesn't make you happy, then it's a waste of that limited mental energy to be spending it on an activity you don't find joyful.

Life is so busy and there are a lot of things competing for our energy. One of the big reasons people feel stressed and burned out in their lives is that they feel as though their energy is entirely being taken up by things that don't bring them joy, don't move them toward their goals, are not in line with their values, and that don't feel like they are in the person's control. The reality is that we do have lots of obligations in life that we have to spend energy on, whether it makes us happy or not. So we need to look for places in our life where we can reclaim some of that mental energy - through predictable routines that run on auto-pilot - in order to restore some balance in our lives. When you feel as though you're able to meet all your daily obligations and to be meeting your goals - be they social, financial, health, or home related - that's when people start to feel like they have some mastery over where their lives are headed.

Now, let's talk about how this is related to your mental health - beyond helping with managing feelings of stress, overwhelm, and burnout.

One of the tolls that a period of mental health challenge can take on us is that we fall out of our regular routines. This can happen because illness prevents it, because we've withdrawn from our usual activities due to feeling overwhelmed, or because a low mood has convinced us that the things we used to enjoy don't really bring us happiness any longer, so why bother. It becomes a vicious cycle. Mental health challenges lead us to stop doing the things we like doing, because we're doing fewer things that bring us joy (or reduce our stress) we feel worse, and when we feel worse we stop doing even more of those things. And sometimes this is forced upon us, such as during the early days of pandemic when many people were suddenly cut off from their regular routines, social contacts, and activities. Hopefully we won't see another pandemic in our lifetimes, but sudden and serious illness can have this effect too, as can job loss, or the sudden death of a loved one.

One of the things we knew, but which became very apparent during the pandemic, is the value of a consistent routine for managing - and improving - mental health. I happened to be out of the country at the time when the US was closing the boarders and I was on the first day of flights returning to Canada that were required to quarantine for 14-days upon our return. I thought I would really struggle with it and those were certainly very scary and uncertain times. But, as an occupational therapist, I understand the importance of daily routines so I applied my professional skills to my own situation. I set up a daily routine for my husband and I; it included a balance of activities for our physical, mental, and social health, consistent meal and sleep/wake times, and daily chores to keep our home environment a nice place to be spending (lots of) time. The two weeks flew by! I couldn't believe it. We never left the house, but we were never bored; we were stressed by world events, but we balanced it by also spending lots of time on activities that brought us joy or moved us closer to our goals. Routines during times of uncertainty and stress can be a life-preserver that not only keeps you afloat, but that keeps you moving forward. The routines help to ensure that you have enough mental energy left in reserve to deal with life stressors as they arise. To me, that's true flexibility.

Finally, having routines is about being intentional with how you are spending the limited resources of your time and mental energy. We are - every single one of us - living a daily routine of some kind. It's not a question of choosing routines or choosing spontaneity. It's a question of being intentional or being haphazard in our routines. 

So, I encourage you to consider your own life and routines. What are some of the things that you can put on auto-pilot? Look for the following clues:

• Tasks that you have to do regularly that are must-do activities - your skin care routine, getting dressed every day, planning your meals, cleaning your home;
• Important goals that require consistent, small steps, over a long period of time in order to achieve them - financial savings, exercise, learning a new skill.

And if you're feeling as thought you don't have enough mental energy at the end of the day for the things that are important to you, then you may also want to evaluate your current routines to look for the places where you're wasting energy or spending energy on things that were once, but are no longer, important to you.

If you think this would be really helpful to you, but you need some help figuring out how apply it in your own life, I encourage you to talk with a mental health occupational therapist in your area. If you live in Alberta, Canada and you'd like to work with me, please feel free to check out my website, Calder Mental Health Services. I offer virtual services to people anywhere in Alberta and in-person services in the city of Edmonton.

Now, I'm off to finish my morning routine!

Cheers,

Petrina