The Reference Library - November 2023

 For The Reference Library this month, I'm sharing with you the second book that marked a turning point in my understanding of mental health, and my life. I know that sounds like hyperbole, but it's not. The first one, that I already shared in The Reference Library for July 2023, was Feeling Good, by Dr. David Burns. Today's pick is Authentic Happiness, by Dr. Martin Seligman.

When I picked up this book I was at a point in my life where I was feeling very unfulfilled. I had an okay job and an okay life, but I really felt like I was on a hamster wheel. I would try and pepper my life with plans for adventure, indulge in hedonistic pleasure, try and live a lifestyle that seemed to make so many other people happy. A lifestyle that looked really good in photos or sounded good when you were telling someone about what you'd been up to; but inside, it felt really hollow and it cost a lot of money, which added a lot of financial stress to my life, as well. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, that I wasn't happy in my life; I assumed that I must be depressed. So, like a lot of readers who are feeling low, I treated myself to a fancy coffee and a wander around my local bookstore. That's when I discovered this book.

This book, and the whole positive psychology movement, are not about looking on the bright-side. It's about actually understanding what it means to be happy - and that happiness is not what you think it is, nor what social-media sells us. Humans are complicated and so is our happiness. Positivity also does not exist in opposition to negativity, like a tug of war; rather, it's more like black and white pixels in a mosaic, peppered together in a way that paints the whole picture of your life more accurately than any one of the pixels (or moments) do.

I can't possibly do justice to the whole of positive psychology in one blog post; the body of research and the depth of our understanding has grown so much in the last 20 years, it would be impossible to summarize briefly. But, allow me to share with you the lesson I took away from this particular book.

We each have a set of core values that we tend to hold, with a fair amount of stability, over the course of our lives. How we rank-order our top-five might change through different chapters of our life, but those top values tend to be quite stable. While humans like the idea of there being "universal" values, that are shared by everyone, the truth is that the top-five can vary widely from person to person. One set of values isn't better than another, but understanding your own is very important to your happiness. It helps you to identify what types of behaviours or activities are consistent with your values (and give you a sense of meaning) and which are inconsistent with your values. 

You see it turns out that a big factor in having life satisfaction is how much opportunity you have to set goals, do activities, and engage in behaviours that are consistent with the things you value most in life. When you don't have or make those opportunities, life can feel pretty hollow. And if you're living a life where your goals, behaviours, and activities are in conflict with your values, that can cause a sense of inner conflict that erodes your self-worth.

Fortunately, Dr. Seligman has made a tool freely available online to support people in identifying their core values and what those values look like in action. The action part is important for happiness, as it is acting in ways consistent with our values that brings the sense of meaning and satisfaction. I encourage everyone to take the Values In Action (VIA) questionnaire, or any of the other great tools that the team at the University of Pennsylvania have developed in the years since this book was first published. If you do, post your top value in the comments and let me know what you're doing to live that value in your daily life!

My top value is, and always has been, Love of Learning. Right now, I'm learning a second language using the Duolingo app, I'm learning how to build a small business, and I'm reading books about leadership, to learn more about what it takes to be considered a "good" leader. All these small acts of learning accumulate to give me a tremendous sense that I love my life - I get to learn all these things! There is no end to what I can learn! It makes me enthusiastic about my life and hopeful, even on hard days.

I hope that this book, and the questionnaires on the website, help you to identify the things that will give you a sense of satisfaction, meaning, purpose, enthusiasm, and happiness! But if you're struggling to find those things in your life, don't hesitate to get support from a mental health provider who is licensed in your jurisdiction. While it turns out that I was not depressed at that time in my life, I did benefit from reading this book and from talking to a counsellor. Making big changes in your mindset and your lifestyle is hard to do on your own; getting support increases your chances for success. 

If you'd like support and you live in Alberta, Canada, feel free to check out my website (Calder Mental Health Services) and book a free consultation. We can discuss whether I'm the right person to support you!

Take care and happy reading,

Petrina